Today's Joke - Pissing On The IRS

An old guy shows up at the local IRS office for an audit.  The IRS agent calls him into the office and isn't surprised to see he's got his attorney with him.

 

"Well Mr. Jones," he says, "I've summoned you because we've noted your lifestyle seems to exceed your reported income.  How is that?"

 

"That's easy," the old guy says, "I'm a very successful gambler." 

 

"I'm not sure that explains it at all Mr. Jones.  Just what type gambling do you do?"

 

"Well," he says, "I'll bet you $1000 right now that I can bite my eye."

 

The IRS agent smiles, decides Mr. Jones is bluffing and says, "Alright Mr. Jones, let's see you try and make that happened."

 

The old guy removes his glass eye and clamps down on it with his teeth.  The IRS agent's mouth falls open and he looks up to see Mr. Jones attorney nodding.  Before he can recover Mr. Jones says, "I'll give you a chance to get even.  Bet you double or nothing I can bit my other eye."

 

Well, the IRS agent knows Mr. Jones walked into the office on his own and isn't blind so he quickly says, "You're on."

 

Mr. Jones then takes out his false teeth and clamps them down on his other eye.  The IRS agent's mouth falls open again as he watches the attorney's widen smile and nodding head. 

 

"Okay, that was easy," says Mr. Jones.  "How about something really tough?  I'll bet you $6000 that I can stand on one side of your desk and piss into that waste basket on the other side without getting a drop on the top of your desk."

 

The IRS agent realizing he's $2000 down looks at the attorney who now has his head in his hands, looking down and is shaking his head back and forth.  The agent sees that as an indication there's no way this can happen and quickly says, "I'll take that bet."

 

Jones goes to the end of the desk, unzips and tries as he can, but only sends a stream to the middle.

 

"Aha," the IRS agent says gleefully, "You didn't get it done and you owe me $6000.  Isn't that correct Mr. Attorney?" 

 

The attorney looks up sorrowfully at the agent and says, "Yeah, but he bet me $25,000 before we walked in that he could piss all over your desk and you'd be happy about it!!!!"